profile Girl. 21. Full-time working college student. Freaky. Awkward. Cynical. Loves music, movies and books. UK. Travel. Free. Feminists. Daydreamer. Ignorance. Contradictive. Melancholic. other places My Tumblr Nanashambles in MusicLand Check me out on Twitter =D 
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archives May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 April 2008 May 2008 June 2008 July 2008 August 2008 September 2008 October 2008 November 2008 December 2008 January 2009 February 2009 March 2009 May 2009 June 2009 September 2009 credits skin by: Jane |
Monday, 15 December 2008 @ 15:12
1 weird text message received... "I don't care about your past. Because it is your past that shaped you into a person that you are right now, a person that I love" No doubt I had a gruesome past. It may seem shallow and unimportant right now. It may seem that I made it a tad over-dramatic right now. But when you've been where I've been, you'd say different things. I've cheated on my long-distance boyfriend just to fell madly in-love and went on an on-off relationship with a futureless drug-addict, half-brainwashed into hating my own parents by some unthankful close friend, drained out in terms of money by my dominant, arrogant, ungrateful ex-bf, drowned in self-hatred hearing cruel words thrown at me and that's just a tiny parts of what I've been through I believe everybody go through the same phase. It may not be a similar experience, but there must be times when you feel like you've fallen down to bottom of life. You feel like there's no way you'd make it through this time. And then you do make it, sometimes not realizing it even. Like I did today. I haven't really ever thankful for what I currently have right now. It's not perfect, it's still far from it, but it's probably the best since my childhood era. It all hit me when I received a text from my 'Ex drug-addict' ex-boyfriend today asking a loan from me because he wants to help his friend's wife who's giving birth. Let's forget the fact that it's a lame reason to begin with, the fact that he still ask for loans is just wrong. I'm not trying to boast my wealth here or the fact that I can generate my own income, but come on, he's 4 years older than me. I don't know whether I was stupid or naive, but I used to love that boy to death. I had a steady, long-distance, amazing, wise boyfriend at the moment I met him, still I cheated and fell in love with him. I fell in love, had a crazy, dramatic relationship, was dumped and still I begged him to come back to me. It went for almost a year until a close friend from Polish opened my eyes that there's so much more to life than him. It took a while to get over that particular ex. That is until I found out that I was doing so much better than him in 2 years time. I was doing great in Uni and there he was still whining about his unfortunate, emo, wasted, pathetic life with no effort of fixing it. If I recall, there has been about 4 attempts of him asking for a loan from me. I mean, if your life is that pathetic then at least use what's left of you to fix it. I say, get a job. You say, you have no degree. I say, study and get a degree. You say, you're brain is too fried from drugs I say, make your own business. You say, you have no start-up money. Until I run out of things to say. Until once again you come back for easy solution. Again, I'm not boasting my luck. But I'm just saying that I'm thankful of it. It's been bumpy, but it's great. I've got a well-paid job, a seat in the best Uni in the country, great caring friends and a personal sunshine. I may have to make hard decision sometimes, I may have to hurt some people. But that's the challenge of life. The text I got from him today made me realize how far along I've grown. How much of a better person I've become. And how I'll make it through another bumpy ride when it does come along, because... "I get knocked down, but I get up again, you never gonna keep me down! I get knocked down, but I get up again, you never gonna keep me down!" - Tubthumping by Chumbawamba |