profile Girl. 21. Full-time working college student. Freaky. Awkward. Cynical. Loves music, movies and books. UK. Travel. Free. Feminists. Daydreamer. Ignorance. Contradictive. Melancholic. other places My Tumblr Nanashambles in MusicLand Check me out on Twitter =D 
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Wednesday, 31 December 2008 @ 19:05
311208: Dreams Come True We could never predict what's gonna happen in the future. And call me skeptical, but I'm sick of expecting and hoping for the better future. These days I just live the day as easy as I could. I find it better that way. As I stop expecting the best from others, I find the things they do surprises me. Their kindness struck my heart, and even if they were evil I wouldn't be that broken-hearted because I never expect them to be angelic. Gain some, lose some. I lost one of my dearly friend this year on May. He died from a motorbike accident. I didn't cry, because death is inevitable, when it's your time. I believe he went to a better place, because he was a good person, at least to me. I loved him, and I still love him and I will always love him. No one could replace his place in my heart. I gain tons of amazing friends too. These strangers, that I know not their background, continues to struck me with their kindness and ideas. They amazes me with how much they care about other strangers. They made me believe that I'm not alone in this world, that it's natures selection for people with the same point of view to be together. We may not be best friends forever. But I do hope whatever relationship we have would last for now and many years to come. My Granny passed away this year too. Again, I believe it's for her best, rather than facing painful days in her life. She passed away gracefully and, I hope, painless. Hopefully she's in a much better place and that I just want her to know that we, her children and her grandchildren, would always pray for the best for her. But our family also had a few babies born this year too. So, it's not really shrinking, our family. Instead, we're gaining more younger members to continue the legacy =D. My Parents and brother went away again for another job post in Budapest, Hungary. I'm used to living alone now. It's no big deal. I have my job to keep my mind occupied. I don't have a partner (read: boyfriend) like I used to before, but I have a good friend, my own personal sunshine, to keep me happy most of my emo time these days. He continues to make me believe I am a good person and that I am loved and that I deserve the best in my life, therefore I should say I'm pretty lucky =D. I learned that nothing in this world lasts forever. Love, trust, happiness, wealth, everything has a limit. I learned that I should enjoy every moment I could smile and laugh, and I shouldn't keep being sad if my world reaches its low points, because it will eventually turn around, whatever situation I'm in. I learned that when I lose some I will gain some and vice versa. Maybe not the next day, maybe not immediately, maybe not in the same amount, but surely it would feel relieving. I learned that people change. But you must always respect them. If you can't deal with it, back off. You can always pray for their best, tho. I learned that your best friends are the one that will always accept you for who you are. That will forgive you for whatever mistakes you made. That grow together with you. That even though they may not believe in the same thing with you but still respects you nevertheless. That stays on your side no matter what. That maybe far away but keep your hearts close. They are the one that trusts you with their deepest secret, the one that runs to you and shares their misery, believing you would understand their pain. They're the one that believes, even though you change, you're still the same you inside. I learned that I deserve to be happy and to be loved. Even by the wrong person. That all is fair in love and war, and everything happens for a reason, no matter how wrong it sounds. I learned that you must be in pain and go through all sorts of painful experiences before you grow better and became the better person that you are. That most people go through that heart-breaking, keens-bending, tummy-clenching phase of losing faith, but it will teach you how to be a more mature person. That hearts are fragile but not irreparable. That if you believe strong enough, dreams do come true. And therefore, I welcome 2009 with open hearts and a smile on my face. I hope next year I'll be a better person, we'll all be a better person. May our dreams come true. Don't stop dreaming guys, dreams do come true =D Labels: Personal Monday, 15 December 2008 @ 15:12
1 weird text message received... "I don't care about your past. Because it is your past that shaped you into a person that you are right now, a person that I love" No doubt I had a gruesome past. It may seem shallow and unimportant right now. It may seem that I made it a tad over-dramatic right now. But when you've been where I've been, you'd say different things. I've cheated on my long-distance boyfriend just to fell madly in-love and went on an on-off relationship with a futureless drug-addict, half-brainwashed into hating my own parents by some unthankful close friend, drained out in terms of money by my dominant, arrogant, ungrateful ex-bf, drowned in self-hatred hearing cruel words thrown at me and that's just a tiny parts of what I've been through I believe everybody go through the same phase. It may not be a similar experience, but there must be times when you feel like you've fallen down to bottom of life. You feel like there's no way you'd make it through this time. And then you do make it, sometimes not realizing it even. Like I did today. I haven't really ever thankful for what I currently have right now. It's not perfect, it's still far from it, but it's probably the best since my childhood era. It all hit me when I received a text from my 'Ex drug-addict' ex-boyfriend today asking a loan from me because he wants to help his friend's wife who's giving birth. Let's forget the fact that it's a lame reason to begin with, the fact that he still ask for loans is just wrong. I'm not trying to boast my wealth here or the fact that I can generate my own income, but come on, he's 4 years older than me. I don't know whether I was stupid or naive, but I used to love that boy to death. I had a steady, long-distance, amazing, wise boyfriend at the moment I met him, still I cheated and fell in love with him. I fell in love, had a crazy, dramatic relationship, was dumped and still I begged him to come back to me. It went for almost a year until a close friend from Polish opened my eyes that there's so much more to life than him. It took a while to get over that particular ex. That is until I found out that I was doing so much better than him in 2 years time. I was doing great in Uni and there he was still whining about his unfortunate, emo, wasted, pathetic life with no effort of fixing it. If I recall, there has been about 4 attempts of him asking for a loan from me. I mean, if your life is that pathetic then at least use what's left of you to fix it. I say, get a job. You say, you have no degree. I say, study and get a degree. You say, you're brain is too fried from drugs I say, make your own business. You say, you have no start-up money. Until I run out of things to say. Until once again you come back for easy solution. Again, I'm not boasting my luck. But I'm just saying that I'm thankful of it. It's been bumpy, but it's great. I've got a well-paid job, a seat in the best Uni in the country, great caring friends and a personal sunshine. I may have to make hard decision sometimes, I may have to hurt some people. But that's the challenge of life. The text I got from him today made me realize how far along I've grown. How much of a better person I've become. And how I'll make it through another bumpy ride when it does come along, because... "I get knocked down, but I get up again, you never gonna keep me down! I get knocked down, but I get up again, you never gonna keep me down!" - Tubthumping by Chumbawamba Friday, 12 December 2008 @ 15:20
I miss fighting with you... ... and laughing with you, and having meals with you, and watching movies with you. I miss joking and teasing our parents with you. I miss disturbing you when you're playing PlayStation. I miss teasing your skinny body and pimpled face I miss riding on your bike. I miss your weird sense of style and how you always need my approval on the way you dress. I miss browsing through your mobile, looking if maybe you've got another girlfriend. I miss picking out stuff for you when we go on a groceries shopping. I miss your nagging. I miss your cocky attitude. I miss being angry at you when you come home late. I miss swapping songs with you. I miss the way you sing-along quietly, ashamed if I find out, to that cheesy local songs. I miss the cute way you tell stories. I... I just miss you  Labels: Family, Relationship Sunday, 7 December 2008 @ 15:37
I Want...! +wishlist+ I so want want to watch these two movies: 1. High Fidelity Why? Because I read the book and it was good, and it revolves around music, romantic comedy, and John Cusack. But mostly because I read the book and I found the book to be very inspiring, very good and heart-warming. Nick Hornby authors it and I'm just curious how the movie turned out. 2. Nick and Norah's Infinite Playlist Why? Because, again it's adapted from a novels, which I haven't read but would like to, and it also revolves around music. It's a teen comedy, so it should be fun =P. Supposedly, the movie differs somehow from the books. That's why I'd like to read and watch it. But mostly, because it's Michael Cera and Kat Dennings. I saw the trailer and they both look so cute together. Friday, 5 December 2008 @ 14:14
One Month and a Half So, it's been one and a half months since My Parents left for Budapest. I'm holding on nicely, with a little help from a couple of friends. I'm not saying I don't miss them, I do. Especially knowing I'd be spending weekends alone, when I'm used to spending them together with the family. The hardest was probably not celebrating Bro and Dad's birthday together a week ago on 27th and 28th November. If they were here, we'd prolly be having a dinner feast or such. Last time I heard from them, they've found an apartment on the city centre of Pest. It's a three rooms apartment with 2 bathrooms and presumably a nice view located on the 5th floor. No pictures of the apartment yet, but here they are shivering from the snow =P   And yes, the snow is the main reason I'm so effing jealous of them. Aside from that, it's getting tougher living alone. I lived alone before, well not completely alone, I was with my grandma now and before. But she's getting older now and I'm getting more worried. Plus I'm working and studying that keeps me away from home for more than 16 hours everyday and made me unavailable most of the time. I can't help but feel guilty if I have to go out and do stuff on the weekends too. They said it's okay, but I'm just a human. But hopefully by next year things will soon fall into place and we'll be living nicely, coping with each others' schedule. I'm struggling, but I'm trying. And I guess I'm happier, it's pretty cool when I see myself managing to live alone, among many other things =D. |